Just Add Water

Mother's Day

Originally, our plan had been to go to my FIL's house for a Mother's Day brunch, to which my parents and my husband's mother were also invited. Unfortunately, the stomach flu derailed that plan, and so Sunday found us heading off to breakfast bright and early (I think we got to the restaurant at 7:45). After breakfast and naps, our plan was to head out together and I would pick out my mother's day gift of a camera bag. Unfortunately, the nap schedule got off sync, and so I headed out by myself for a few hours in the afternoon, when I purchased my bag (and got ice cream at my favorite spot). We ended the day with a nice dinner at home. It was pretty low key for my first mother's day, but we have many years of them to come, and won't be recovering from the flu for all of them.

Sometimes the universe speaks

Not to long after my last post, my husband told me that I was doing a great job, caring for our children, being a mom, hanging in there. In my head, I started my usual litany of denials to this complement, and it must have showed on my face, because he then asked me who would have to tell me this in order for me to believe it.

You see, I have this problem. I don't believe people when they compliment me. I don't believe that they are being honest, only that they are being nice. The reasons for this stem from my youth, and don't need to explored here, but suffice it to say that I rarely believe that I'm doing a good enough job, at anything.

I thought about what my husband said, and in that moment, I honestly didn't know who it would take to tell me that I was doing a good job in order for me to believe it. Then the moment passed, and I went on with my day, not really giving it any more thought.

That's when the universe started speaking to me. I got this comment from my friend texasgirl:

girl, every time I carry my bag with me anywhere people ask me about it. you'll get back to it in time. or you'll move on to other things. either way, you'll stay amazing to me. and you're doing a hell of a lot right now--as much as anyone I've ever known with two four-month old babies to care for. :)

it's enough, for now, okay? let it be enough.

and then the next day, got another few comments from women in my mom's group, about what a great job I was doing. That was followed by a woman that I don't even know (from my exercise class) telling me that I was doing an amazing job and should be easier on myself. And finally, I got an e-mail from one friend and a note from another, all telling me the same thing: You're doing fine. Relax. You will have time to do whatever again, and you're doing a lot right now. Your babies are big and healthy and happy. Chill out.

At some point, I realized that the universe was using friends, acquaintances, and even strangers as conduits to talk to me, and tell me that I should accept myself, know that I'm doing a good job, that things are fundamentally O.K.

When the universe speaks, who am I to ignore it? So right now, I'm feeling all right. I'm doing a pretty good job. Thanks for noticing.

 

Finding a creative spark

I've really been struggling with the loss of my sense of self in my new mommy routine, especially since Husband has gone back to work and I spend my days mostly without any adult interaction. Every mother knows what I am learning, which is that my days are completely full of the same few activities, repeated over and over again. Feed, burp, change diapers. Repeat.

I've been trying to find some thing that will allow me to express myself, be creative, interact with adults, and not get lost or go crazy in the circus [that has become my life]. This blog is one outlet, and I've found it's companion, which is to participate in a daily photo journal. (This serves more than one purpose -- can allow me to be creative as well as finally learn how to use my digital SLR and hopefully improve my photography.)

In a previous blog, I said that I wanted to participate in the 365 days group on flickr , but I've changed my mind on that (because I've realized that there is no way that I can take 365 self-portraits), and will be participating in the My 2008 Daily Photo Diary (because I can handle taking one picture everyday).

So here's my first entry. I haven't been accepted to the group yet, so I'm getting started on my own (actually started on Tuesday, but making it official today), with a self-portrait. That's my boy screaming in the Moby wrap, which he was none too fond of today. I'll be posting pictures here and on my flickr stream.