Just Add Water

Friday, August 21, 2009

I've really been trying to figure out what I am doing and what I want out of photography, these past few weeks. Of course, I feel this sense of urgency all the time, like everything is passing me by (while I'm sitting at home taking care of my children). Every time I read about someone who has gotten their photography business off the ground, I get a pang inside, like "when is that going to happen for me?" Of course, we have basically just moved into our new house (new to us, anyway), and I am, after all, the mother of 22 month old twins (I'll ride that train for as long as I can). But I had a really good talk with my husband and a friend that helped me to identify some near-term goals that will keep me moving in the direction (of professional photography) and will keep me feeling like I am accomplishing something. Anything. 

June 18, 2008

My husband had to go out of town on a business trip, and so my mom came to stay and help me with the babies. In the afternoon, we took a walk, and came upon this cactus garden. I have never seen these little glass bulbs before, and am not sure how they water or help the garden, but they look pretty neat.

Sometimes the universe speaks

Not to long after my last post, my husband told me that I was doing a great job, caring for our children, being a mom, hanging in there. In my head, I started my usual litany of denials to this complement, and it must have showed on my face, because he then asked me who would have to tell me this in order for me to believe it.

You see, I have this problem. I don't believe people when they compliment me. I don't believe that they are being honest, only that they are being nice. The reasons for this stem from my youth, and don't need to explored here, but suffice it to say that I rarely believe that I'm doing a good enough job, at anything.

I thought about what my husband said, and in that moment, I honestly didn't know who it would take to tell me that I was doing a good job in order for me to believe it. Then the moment passed, and I went on with my day, not really giving it any more thought.

That's when the universe started speaking to me. I got this comment from my friend texasgirl:

girl, every time I carry my bag with me anywhere people ask me about it. you'll get back to it in time. or you'll move on to other things. either way, you'll stay amazing to me. and you're doing a hell of a lot right now--as much as anyone I've ever known with two four-month old babies to care for. :)

it's enough, for now, okay? let it be enough.

and then the next day, got another few comments from women in my mom's group, about what a great job I was doing. That was followed by a woman that I don't even know (from my exercise class) telling me that I was doing an amazing job and should be easier on myself. And finally, I got an e-mail from one friend and a note from another, all telling me the same thing: You're doing fine. Relax. You will have time to do whatever again, and you're doing a lot right now. Your babies are big and healthy and happy. Chill out.

At some point, I realized that the universe was using friends, acquaintances, and even strangers as conduits to talk to me, and tell me that I should accept myself, know that I'm doing a good job, that things are fundamentally O.K.

When the universe speaks, who am I to ignore it? So right now, I'm feeling all right. I'm doing a pretty good job. Thanks for noticing.

 

This is what three months looks like

Baby A and Baby B are three months old today.